leading up to H4H Rallly 2015

Australian Love Poem

Of course I love ya darlin
You're a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think it’s very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

No matter what u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the cricket’s on
And fetch another beer..

[ Brings a lump to your throat doesn't it..! ] 

  

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.'

Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were very close, the lucky number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up.

Again Paddy asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3, you were very close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.'

Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick.. My wife won twice last week. 

The British Penny
EU Directive No. 4561
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase
'Spending a Penny' is not to be used after 31st December 2013 .
From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'.

Grrrr


Admin:  30 points from next year for Grrrr'ing a fellow competitor

Ah, it's the way I tell em!

Peter - Please don't encourage them; otherwise Unit 43 will incur further penalty points  

Grrrrr........

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy
one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men
will get it the first time.

My work is done here.

===========================================

Water in the carburetor

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool"

===========================================


THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRYSOME IN
RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.


===========================================

HE MUST PAY

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He
fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to
live with you.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


Today's Short Reading from the Bible...

From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would
be found in all corners of the earth."

Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed!

 

I have to reluctantly confess I liked the 'water in the carb'  

The Bible reading beats them all    

sorry to all   we were about to leave to come up to Peterborough and have been told that I am on call     so that has gone out the window (bugger). so to all have a good weekend sorry we can not be there . anyone going to London to Brighton this year? if so I will see you there    
I now have two cases of beer and two bottles of port sitting looking lonely and I cant touch a blooming drop   
hope to catch up with you all soon
best regards
Paul and Sam x

Shame you couldn't make it Paul. Missed a good one!!!

Make sure you get Easter w/e booked off.

paul7848 wrote:

sorry to all   we were about to leave to come up to Peterborough and have been told that I am on call     so that has gone out the window (bugger). so to all have a good weekend sorry we can not be there . anyone going to London to Brighton this year? if so I will see you there    
I now have two cases of beer and two bottles of port sitting looking lonely and I cant touch a blooming drop   
hope to catch up with you all soon
best regards
Paul and Sam x

Paul I'm going to be on the run this year with the TACR,so see you there at the start line!!!

Paul,
Sorry to have missed you.   It was a good do!  
Are you coming next year?
Pete

Missed you at P'boro Paul but reasons understood.

It's a no from us re L2B - with 2014 fund raising well underway and an all but full entry to next year's rally we'll take a sabbatical this year. Hope all goes well

Ordering a takeaway from your local Chinese... £17.50
Fuel to go and collect it... £2.50
Realising when you get back home that they forgot one of your dishes... riceless

groan

great weekend had by all and hopefully everyone has fully recovered from their ordeal by wine and beer

Ngiri wrote:

great weekend had by all and hopefully everyone has fully recovered from their ordeal by wine and beer

and don't forget the PORT!!!!!!   

   

A man from North Wales was caught recently having sex with a L R Discovery ....


I heard he has moved on to lorries but has tested recently as HGV positive
 

Bob, sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 PM news was coming on.
The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building, preparing to jump.


The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a £20 note on the bar and said, "You're on!"


Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar,
the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset but willingly handed her £20 to Bob.
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."


Bob replied, "I can't take your money.
I saw this earlier on the 6 PM news, so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but I really didn't think he'd do it again."


Bob took the money. 

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay cheque. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was haranged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
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