You know you own a Land Rover when........

* When you occasionally find rust flakes in your ears.

* If you keep these strange Imperial-thread bolts in your pocket in case the dashboard falls off.

* If WD40 has a higher priority on the household budget than milk.

* If your bathtub bears a sign: "Not suitable for engine blocks".

* When you dream of burned Lucas electrics when your wife smokes a cigarette in bed

* If even Essex girls turn you down after they`ve seen your car.

* If 10 lbs of of prime top soil fall on the tarmac when you smack your door shut

* If you store K&N air filter cleaning liquid under the kitchen sink because you need it so often

* When you drive in shorts in the winter to avoid wet jeans.

* If nobody parks next to you on a Saturday supermarket parking lot

* If only the African immigrants greet you in town

* If your kitchen table shows marks of engine blocks.

* When you can't find any clothes without battery acid holes or engine oil stains

* If you wonder why it smells so funny if you throw a cig butt on the floor of a rental car

* If you start every conversation in the vehicle with "one, two, test" to check the intercom

* When even Russians don't believe your truck is only 20 years old

* When there are more tools in the truck than in your garage

* If you think it's essential to carry 20 litres of water at all times

* If the only two shops you know in town are the parts dealer and the tool shop

* When you decide on weekend plans in bed and the alternatives are grease-up or fix the radiator

* If you buy rear mirrors in bulk at the farmer's union shop

* When the GPS in your vehicle has the main purpose to replace the speedo and odometer

* When you are surprised that the M.O.T. mentions the condition of your seats in the report

* If you wonder why the moss in your truck's inner window sills is greener than your lawn

* If all your jacket pockets and belt loops are torn by LR door locks

* When you find a gas evaporator between salt and pepper in the kitchen

* When your friends steal imperial sockets for you as a birthday present

* If you only dare to use the coin operated car wash on a dark Sunday night

* If friends don't want you to show up in the afternoon because they got visitors

* You can't decide whether to park on a hill in case your starter fails or on the flat in case your handbrake fails.

* You put your coat on as you get INTO your car.

* You keep degreaser in the shower.

* When you borrow your Mums 1 litre Vauxhall Corsa it feels like a sports car.

* You get lent to elderly relatives and their friends to get the compost from the garden centre.

* Your friends all want to ride in your car if you're going less than three miles. If you're travelling more than three miles, they volunteer to walk.

General Confusion wrote:

* If even Essex girls turn you down after they`ve seen your car.

pft none of thats true, jealousy

especially these two!!! just cause your jeep doesnt attract the ladies, ladies love my landy, especially like coming offroading and getting dirrrrty

Steve - You've just overtaken everyone; and currently lead the rally!

Rather true most of them reet enough.
Good ones.

General Confusion wrote:

* If all your jacket pockets and belt loops are torn by LR door locks

YES i know of this pain

i was wondering how long it would take for someone to put this up

Why do H.M. Forces have them?
Is it because they get them cheap and always travel in convoy with the R.E.M.E. following behind

Not to mention there good practice for them doing there motoring aprentaship no shortage of testing materials

Lmao

How true hahaha

love this one If nobody parks next to you on a Saturday supermarket parking lot .