Disgraceful behaviour

Absolutely disgusting behaviour I saw on the beach earlier. I was on the seafront and saw a man and a woman having an almighty argument in front of loads of kids, suddenly the woman smacked the guy in the head and it all kicked off. There was a massive brawl and someone called the police. This poor copper turned up on his own and took his baton to the man, the guy managed to snatch it off him and began assaulting the copper AND his wife!

Then out of nowhere a crocodile crept up and stole all the sausages !!





Admin:  Matter in report, pending verdict, possible 25 points deduction from 2014.

........but these are real.

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman:

What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant:

Homosexuals.

Jeremy Paxman:

No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.





BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:

Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:

Geography isn't my strong point.

Jamie Theakston:

There's a clue in the title.

Contestant:

Leicester





BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White:

Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

I don't know.

Stewart White:

I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:

Arm

Stewart White:

Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant:

Strong.

Stewart White:

Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant:

Louis

Stewart White:

Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

Frank Sinatra?




LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski:

What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant:

France.

Trelinski:

France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:

Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski:

Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant:

Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski:

Just guess a country then.

Contestant:

Paris.




THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:

Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant:

The Conservative Party.




BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark:

For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis:

I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?




UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoyne:

What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant:

Goosey?




GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter:

What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant:

I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.




PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO? MANCHESTER)

Phil:

What's 11 squared?

Contestant:

I don't know.

Phil:

I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant:

Is it five?




RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:

Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant:

Forrest Gump.




RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:

On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant:

Er. ... ............

Richard:

He makes bread . . .......

Contestant:

Er .. ...............

Richard:

He makes cakes . . .......

Contestant:

Kipling Street?




LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter:

Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant:

Barcelona.

Presenter:

I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant:

I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain ......





NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question:

What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant:

The Pacific.





ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

Presenter:

Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

Contestant:

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?





THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre:

What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant:

Magna Carta?





JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O'Brien:

How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant:

Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?




CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Chris Searle:

In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller:

Japan.

Chris Searle:

I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller:

Er ........... Mexico ?





PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat:

How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause):

Fourteen days.





DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham:

In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant:

Holland?

Daryl Denham:

Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant:

Iceland? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully)

It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant:

No.





PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood:

What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:

Er... ...... ..........

Phil Wood:

It's got two syllables . .... . Kor . ...

Contestant:

Blimey?

Phil Wood:

Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ...

Contestant:

(Silence)

Phil Wood:

OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .....

Contestant:

Walked?





THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes:

What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant:

Nostalgia.






STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright:

Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant:

Jesus.
_________________

Ah the great British public, you have to love them. 

Groan .....

Ha Ha pinched Punch & Judy