Yet another one for Richie

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL MATCH WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

'HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?

IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.'

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
'FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'POWERGEN' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!'

'FINE!'

THEN THE WIFE ASKS, 'WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT'
TO WHICH HE REPLIED
'FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'FRIDGIDAIRE' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?


I DON'T THINK SO!' 'FINE!' SHE SAYS 'THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK'

'I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS', HE SAYS, 'DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'TAYLOR WOODROW' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, I'M GOING TO THE PUB!!!!
'

SO HE GOES TO THE PUB AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW >HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.


HONEY, HE ASKS, 'HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?'
SHE SAID, 'WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS,AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.'


HE SAID, 'SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?'

SHE REPLIED, 'HELLOOOOO.., DO YOU SEE 'MR KIPLING' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!'

In the pub last night overheard two large girls with strange accents. Are you from Scotland I asked. It's Wales they screamed back. Sorry ,are you two whales from Scotland?

Car 5, I regret Rhiannon has caught sight of your post.

You will be pleased that I've been able to persuade her away from the immediate call for your 'disqualification'. But at a cost! - penalty points will be incurred. The decision will be made by the 'committee' next week.

You will 'occasionally' be reminded by me during the rally of how 'helpful' I've been

tonic wrote:

In the pub last night overheard two large girls with strange accents. Are you from Scotland I asked. It's Wales they screamed back. Sorry ,are you two whales from Scotland?

Thats a bit below the water line joke. Well done WALES on the Grand Slam

My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.
"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"
Being the nice guy I am, I thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!"
So we walked past it again.

That one actualy made me chuckle

went swimming tonight, and thought I would have a sneaky pee in the deep end, trouble was, the life guard saw me and he blew his whistle so loud, I nearly fell in !

My missus said to me on saturday "i'm sick of your obsession with flowers!".. I said "calm down petal, where did all this stem from".........!!!!!!!

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too f*)^"ng late pal, the paperworks already done"!!!!!!!!!!

Now they really are getting worse

I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he had been with

He started to count them but then fell asleep

Think about it

Wal wrote:

I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he had been with

He started to count them but then fell asleep

Think about it

Thats four secret checks your missing

Prob miss them all anyway

A welsh friend of a friend died today........

He passed away in his sheep

Groans

The Beer Prayer

Our Larger
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be they drink
They will be drunk, ( I will be drunk)
At home as in the tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us for our spillages
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not to incarceration
But deliver us from hang overs
For thine is the beer
The bitter and the lager
For ever and ever
Barmen.

Best yet

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, ' No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' ' Yes '

'May I talk with her?' A gain the small voice whispered, ' No '

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

' Yes , ' whispered the child, ' a policeman . '

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,

' The search team just landed a helicopter '

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

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' ME . '

Good one

There was a boy playing in the farm field,when his mum called him in for his breakfast.On his way he kicked a cow,pig & a chicken.So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal,''what's the deal?''he asks .His mum says ''you kicked the cow,so no milk for you,you kicked the pig,so no bacon for you & you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you.''Then his dad walks into the kitchen & accidentally kicked the cat.Then the boy says ''Do you want me to tell him or should you???''

Why do welshmen wear Levi button-fly jeans?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper at 100 yards.

I was at the Olympic site in London today and saw this guy carrying a long thin tube.

I said " Are you a pole vaulter?"

He said " No I am German....but how did you know my name was Walter?""

oh dear