Yet another one for Richie

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

The very old jokes are always the best!!

I'm a very old man(and so is Richie)

Not as old as me though!!

But, Tony, you profile says you're only 21

He might say he's 21 but how many times round has he been 21???

Three?? Maybe even four

Nick,
Remember back(if you can) to when you were a young teen. 21 was OLD

Magpie,
Depends on the age of the female I'm talking to

Whoo! Just reread my last post.Doesn't read well ,better change my profile age

tonic wrote:

Whoo! Just reread my last post.Doesn't read well ,better change my profile age

That was worth the coffee over the screen this time

Now then,where's my zimmer frame?

tonic wrote:

Now then,where's my zimmer frame?

Probably propping a green oval thingy up ..............

The wife shouted upstairs that she had just drawn the curtains, I replied, any chance you can draw a 20 quid note so I can go and have a pint then

Nick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Nick has been missing since Friday.

Why was it Bob that was missing but Nick that was in trouble????

Did Nick murder Bob or something?????

Joke was quite funny!!

Richie's mind works in strange ways

nickburt wrote:

Richie's mind works in strange ways

Certainly does!!

It works

nickburt wrote:

Richie's mind works in strange ways

wal wrote:

It works

That's debatable methinks!

Richie's mind works in strange ways

It would be wrong for me to comment

A man and a woman were seated next to each other in the first class
section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently
wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman
sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently
... once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious
about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed
yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?" "I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before," he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper."

BOB the builder goes up to a girl in a nite club and says
" I have an 8inch dick and can last all nite....After a few beers she takes him home with her....
Next morning she says " you said you had 8 inch it was only 5 and last all nite you only lasted 3 min,s
He replies " hey i,m a builder it was only an estimate

The England team visited an orphanage in Poland today.

"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope"

said Igor, aged 6.