Yet another one for Richie

Def going to get new marshals next year

f you want an understanding of how out political system works read on
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. "

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own shopping bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

The cashier responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day. Back then, we returned milk bottles, pop bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every shop and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb
into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right.
We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's nappies because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the county of Yorkshire.. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the post, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right.
We didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank water from a fountain or a tap when we were thirsty instead of demanding a plastic bottle flown in from another country. We accepted that a lot of food was seasonal and didn’t expect that to be bucked by flying it thousands of air miles around the world. Weactually cooked food that didn’t come out of a packet, tin or plastic wrap and we could even wash our own vegetables and chop our own salad.
But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the tram or a bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mothers into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint. But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart-ass young person.

Remember: Don't make old people mad.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

A Copper just knocked on my door " I'm sorry sir but we think your wife has been involved in a fatal car crash and we would like you to accompany us so you can identify the body"I said "I'm a bit busy right now. Can't you take a photo and tag me on facebook. If its her I'll click the like button"

A pregnant Jamaican woman wakes up from a coma and asks the doc " where's my bump gone ?"
It's ok says the doc , you now have twins , a boy and a girl , but we needed to register them so your brother has named them for you .
"oh no , he's totally thick and stupid ........what has he called them ?" she asked ,
He's c...alled the little girl Denise .
" oh that's a really nice name " she said , pleasantly surprised ,
"Whats he called the boy ?"
Denephew said the doc !

marches into a chemist shop.

A Scottish Soldier in full dress uniform...
...marches into a chemist shop.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandanna,
he unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom.
The condom has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the chemist.
"Six pence," says the chemist.
"How much for a new one?"
"Ten pence" says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief
and the cotton bandanna, replaces it carefully in his sporran and marches
out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemist and addresses the proprietor,
this time with a grin on his face.
"The regiment has taken a vote," he says.
"We'll have a new one."