For You Civvies Out There - The Definition of Rank

GENERAL: Leaps tall buildings, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid hurricanes, gives policy to God.

COLONEL: Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powe...rful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm, talks to God.

LT, COLONEL: Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favourable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding pellet, walks on water in indoor swimming pool, talks to God if a request form is approved.

MAJOR: Barely clears a Nissan hut, loses tug of war with a switch engine, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, is occasionally addressed by God.

CAPTAIN: Makes high marks by trying to leap buildings, gets run over by locomotive, can sometimes handle a gun without shooting himself, dog paddles, talks to animals.

1ST. LEIUTENANT: Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotive two out of three times, is not issued with live ammunition, can stay afloat in a Mae-West if properly instructed, talks to walls.

2ND. LEIUTENANT: Falls over the doorstep when entering buildings, says "Look at the choo-choo, wets himself, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.

SERGEANT MAJOR: Lifts tall buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the track, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them, freezes water with one stare....

HE IS GOD.

Only looked at this cos I misread the title